what I want my kid-less friends to know

**Disclaimer: I wrote this in one 20 minute session (with little regard to punctuation or grammar) and didn’t realize how much I had to say and how many cuss words I needed to say it. 🙂 You’ve been warned.

Lately this topic has been on my mind. I really really miss my high school friends. Some I lost touch with, others I still talk to but not nearly enough. I truly miss the hours of chit chatting about stupid gossip. I feel like we’re all still the fearless 17 year olds that are currently just going through different life stages. Shit, I am only 26 years old, married and have four kids! That’s not typically what you hear from someone so young. A lot of my friends aren’t even thinking about marriage yet or they’re about to get married. They are kid free. The kid-less life seems like some other dimension to me. My life has revolved around my little babes for the last eight years. Trust me, I love my coffee filled, yoga wearing, baby chasing life BUT I miss the days where the only ass I wiped was my own.

This is what I want my kid-less friends to know:

First of all, I miss you so damn much.

I know that some of us still talk regularly but I miss being PHYSICALLY and MENTALLY close to you, body and soul. Haha, seriously the way your high school friends just got you is unlike any other kind of friendship. We experienced the most insane things together and no one else can ever replace that. I long for our friend bonding. It is really hard to talk to a 4 month old about how your new birth control pill is turning you into a crazy bitch.

I am tired. Really really fucking tired.

My kids need my attention 95% of the time. I barely have time to wash my hair. The only time I get a break from my babies is if I go to the store for an hour or in the rare chance we get a babysitter for a few hours. So I literally have two babies on my hip ALL the time. I can’t even use words to describe how mentally exhausting that is. If that is not enough, let me add that I have two eight year olds who also fight for my attention in the evenings. *Pouring my 3rd cup of coffee for the day as I type*
As much as I miss our conversations, don’t call me.

If you want to chat, send me a text. The reason I don’t answer my phone is simple… I can’t hear you. Someone in my house is crying at all times. I wish I could spend hours on the phone just to get a break but that is not my reality.
I’m going to be a flake these first few years.

Yes, flaky as a damn biscuit. Well first of all it’s REALLY hard to find a babysitter for four kids. I usually have to plan for a sitter weeks in advance. If I cancel plans with you, it’s because I have some child related incident that needs my attention. Or I’m just straight up tired. Did I mention how exhausted I am? 😉 Even if you know I most likely won’t be able to hang, I still like the invite! I will eventually be able to do something (God, I hope so!).

I’m totally self-focused right now.

I need to be in order to survive the next couple years. If it isn’t convenient for me, it probably isn’t going to happen. I even cringed when typing that sentence because it sounds so horrible but its the truth. Tiny humans control my life. They are on a semi-strict feeding/napping schedule and in order to keep my sanity, they need to stay on that schedule. Want to go out for lunch one day? Has to be between the hours of 12:30pm and 3:30pm because that is their “calm and quiet” period during the day. Any other time, they are probably crying and I’m too overwhelmed to do anything.

Lastly and most importantly, thank you.

Thank you giving me the comfort of knowing that you will be there when I need you. Even if our most common way of communicating is social media, I know you care about my brady bunch of a family. Just know that I care about you too. Good friends are hard to come by and you guys are the bomb. 😉 As our kids get older, going out with friends will be a more routine thing for us and I’m already counting down the days. 🙂

Love you bitches. You know who you are.