It’s been about two months since I announced to the internet that I was suffering with anxiety and depression. It was something I debated back and forth with. I share a lot of my life on the internet. I like to be open and upfront about the struggles and joys of motherhood – so I knew I had to share this part of my life as well. If you want to hear more about what I was dealing with and how the anxiety was taking a toll on me – watch this vlog.
I wanted to update you on how I’ve been doing the past two months. I mentioned that I made a doctors appointment and was prescribed Zoloft. I’ve been taking it every single day since and it has helped me a TON. It took about four weeks to actually kick in but now that my body has adjusted – its been so wonderful. I actually FEEL happy. It’s weird because I didn’t know that I forgot what being happy felt like but once I experienced it again, I was like wow.
I know you’ve all heard Logic’s song, 1-800. There is a line in that song that says “its the very first breath when your head’s been drowning underwater” — well I felt that. I feel like I can breathe again. The weight is lifted off my chest and I can breathe. It’s such a GOOD feeling.
Obviously the medication is a big part of it but I’ve also been doing other things that help alleviate my anxiety.
I very much enjoy reading. I always have. I had stopped reading when I was in college because I just didn’t have time and I never really got back into it until recently. I made a goal for myself to read at least two books a month and so far I’ve been reading three books! Reading relaxes me and lets my mind escape to another world for a little while. Wow, I just realized how cheesy that sounded but its the truth.
This is one is probably a given but I have let myself go after Harper and Mason. Shoot, even before Harper and Mason! Last year when I started working out and losing weight for our Disney trip, I felt amazing. I lost 23lbs, I was working out every day, I was eating better and I was happy. So, Cody and I started our old routine back up and its been going GREAT!! We have a solid routine, I work out every day, even if its for 20 minutes. We are eating better and have cut out all fast food. We never really drank pop to begin with but we pretty much only drink water now. Working out helps with my anxiety SO much.
I’ve been making a point to get together with my friends more often. It’s hard to do when you have four kids but I’m happy when I’m with my friends. When I was in my depression I was avoiding people at all costs. I didn’t want to leave my house to even go to the grocery store, let alone hang out with people. I even joined a book club to build more friendships and get out of the house!
My co-parenting relationship is probably the most stressful thing in my entire life. Sharing children is so difficult and exhausting, even more so when you don’t get along with the other parent. Although we’ve had a lot of issues come up as of late, I have tried to look past it all and move forward. It’s obviously what is best for McKenzie and Kasey but it’s also best for me. I don’t need the added stress of dealing with it every day, so I’m trying hard to stay positive and friendly.
This is probably one of the hardest things to do on my list. I’ve made it a point to tell people how I’m feeling. Don’t be afraid to tell someone no. Tell people your stressed. Tell your husband that he’s pissing you off. Tell your mom you’re sad. Tell your friends you just feel like staying home tonight. I stopped holding in my feelings and it feels powerful. Maybe it’s just my anxiety meds but I don’t take people’s shit anymore, haha.
I’ve always been a very organized person but I’ve been way extra about it lately. I write everything down. I mean everything. I love my planner, its been an amazing tool for me! I plan our meals, I keep track of bills, I keep track of my weight, paying off debt.. seriously everything. I write things like “read five chapters in my book today”. It helps me stay accountable and forces me to make time for myself.
My favorite hobby is my vlog and blog – I’ve been making sure to spend a lot of time on them because it’s what makes me happy. I write down my upload schedule for the week and make sure I stick to it. Every Monday I look at what I want to film for the week and start getting organized. You can lose a feeling of purpose while being a stay at home mom. So checking off a to-do list and sticking to your own schedule can bring that sense of purpose back to you.
I have to admit that my husband is my #1 fan and supporter. He is a lot of the reason that I’ve been doing so well lately. He is so great about cleaning, doing laundry, keeping the kids busy, etc. He doesn’t make me feel guilty about not keeping up with house work. He encourages me to get out of the house and hang out with my friends. He knows just what I need and I’m so blessed to have someone like him in my life.
Surround yourself with people who make you feel good. You don’t need the negative people in your life. Trust me, you won’t miss them. Find your support person and keep them close.
I hope this post can help somebody else who is struggling with depression and anxiety. I have found the light at the end of the tunnel and I hope to never go back down it. DO NOT feel ashamed of asking for help or being on a medication. If there is something out there that can take away your pain and make you have a better life… then I say go for it.